Week 20: It's a Boy!!!

Well, what a feeling!!!!!  We recently had an ultrasound and had the great fortune of not only seeing that our baby is looking good but also that we are having a boy.  A son...what a blessing!  It makes it all the more real for me to know that I am carrying my son.  And yet, I somehow knew I was having a boy all along.  Way before he was conceived, I had dreams of a son, very vivid dreams...Can't explain it much more than that, but I had known from that point on that if I were to have a child, it would be a boy.  I can now call him by his name...Alexander.  Now, I can daydream of what it will be like to see him for the first time, to hold him and give him love....to see him grow and be a part of his life..I can only continue to hope and pray and take care of myself so that he makes it through healthy and strong...

Starting to grow!!!!                                                                              Profile of his head at 19 weeks, 2 days                                                                                                                                                                    

19 Weeks: Upcoming Ultrasound as Both Exciting and Scary

Can't wait for Wednesday...we supposedly find out how the baby is growing and the sex.  I have mixed feelings...On one hand, I am excited because I get to see my little one again and hopefully find out if I am having a son or daughter.  I am also looking forward to the affirmation that all is well.  However, I can't help but be a bit fearful of it at the same time.  I still am a bit adversely affected by my last miscarriage where I found out the devastating news while getting an ultrasound.  It really does plain suck to be scared from such an experience...Could I bare something like that again?!  Please God keep this baby strong and healthy....

Here's a website with info on the pregnancy at 19 weeks.

18 Weeks: I Can Finally Feel Like I Can Accept The Pregnancy

I know it has been ages since I have last blogged.  It's just that I have been so cautious about getting too excited or invested in the experience per chance I had a miscarriage again.  God knows that would have been devastating for me!  I think I would have given up all hope at that point...BUT, I am feeling much more at ease and really getting into this pregancy.  I made it through the first trimester!  It went by so fast, I still can"t believe I am in my second trimester already.  The first trimester consisted of fatigue, mild to moderate morning sickness, and some moodiness.  Other than that, no problems!  I can't complain compared to the debilitating experiences of many women in their first trimester, but I must say it's no fun being pregnant.  It's like being sick for multiple weeks with no instant relief in sight.  Whoever said pregnancy was wonderful or fun or exciting was delusional.  But, i must say now I am starting to enjoy it a little...I actually like seeing my belly grow!  I think it's because it gives me some indication that baby is growing and that I can eventually show the world that I am indeed pregnant.  It's also a fun topic to focus on with the husband.  I am also beginning to feel baby move around in my belly.  At first, I thought it was just gas bubbles, but then I realized that I haven't felt gas bubbles like this before.  The sensation is like a bubble bursting ever so lightly or my stomach having a mild muscle spasm.  It's deep enough where I can't feel it if I place my hands on my belly but it's certainly there.  It seems to be happening a few times a day for a few minutes at a time.  I can hardly wait until hubby can feel it too...quite a bonding moment!

I would be lying if I said I don't have any worries.  I still worry that this will all be taken away from me...that some problem will emerge that will create complications...I can't help it...it was so difficult to get here and so all I have are bad experiences to compare with...but, I must keep hoping and praying and trying to keep positive...

Well, next week we hopefully find out the sex of the baby.  I honestly don't mind either.  Neither does hubby...As long as he or she is healthy...but, i must say that I think it may be a boy while hubby thinks it may be a girl.  We shall hopefully see next week!