Restored Hope

It just may be that I may finally be getting a break here in the journey of infertility and finding a home. Yesterday was indeed a great day! It began with a visit to the infertility specialist after about two months of tests. I expected that my doctor would tell me that all the tests that I have done this far to determine the cause of the two miscarriages were normal and that I could proceed with the clomiphene treatment and IUI procedure again. Sure enough this was the case. I could say I had some hope in pursuing this path again but I also had much ambivalence about going through more problems, with a third miscarriage at the top of my list. What was a pleasant surprise to me was that the doctor explained that there are some additional things I will be able to do this time to further prevent a miscarriage. First, he told me to start taking a low dose (i.e., 81 mg) aspirin once a day starting yesterday. He reported there had been some studies that suggested this may help to prevent a miscarriage. He explained that this relates to the body seeing the pregnancy as an infection and wanting to fight it, so that the aspirin may play a role in preventing this from occurring. I also looked on-line and read that aspirin may also help with blood flow to the uterus. It's not a for sure thing given that research doesn't strongly support it, but it doesn't hurt to try this method. I had never heard of this and so I was intrigued. I also felt a spark inside me that raised my hope a bit. Furthermore, my doctor stated that once I became pregnant again, he would prescribe some progesterone suppositories, to help keep up the hormone levels. I had heard of this before and was going to ask him about this, so I was glad he was a step ahead of me. What it came down to is that he is covering all the bases possible given that there isn't a clear reason for the miscarriages. I suppose I should be frustrated that there isn't a clear cause but I am honestly not. I am just really glad that there is something more I can do to try and sustain a pregnancy. This really makes me understand the lengths people go to try and find something that will give them some control over an unknown force and restore hope. I won't lie and say that I am completely confident that third time is charm for me. I believe there is going to be that part of me that will ask "how long will this pregnancy last before I lose it?" I won't ignore that part because it's the part that can prepare me for the difficult stuff should it happen again. But I also believe strongly that if I am meant to be a mother, it will happen. And I can hope on this! So continues this part of my journey...

The other important event that happened yesterday is that our offer on a house got accepted! We got the call in the evening from our realtor. It was funny because my husband was recovering from laser eye surgery and was still feeling the effects of Xanax big time. So he had a meek "yeah" come from his mouth. I did all the jumping and dancing for the both of us. This was our sixth offer, so sixth time was a charm!!! And so now begins the journey of being a homeowner. Very exciting and scary!! The worrier in me wonders how we are going to pay for everything. But the now very hopeful part of me is looking forward to starting new memories and creating a place of our own.

So, could all this mean that all is about to come together and we are going to move to the next part of the journey of life? Or, will there be more setbacks ahead? Who knows! But, I can be hopeful, patient, and faithful!!!! Captinsrio

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."----Romans 12:12

You Know You've Matured When....

Just this past weekend my husband and I went to Santa Barbara with my parents and sister for the annual fiesta days. At one point, my husband and I went on our own to walk around the downtown area and check out the nightlife. Being the college town that it is, there were so many young 20-somethings out and about that the older folks really stood out like sore thumbs. At one point, my husband and I wanted to get a drink at a bar and people watch. We walked by so many bars looking for a place that wasn't so crowded and so young looking. We finally spotted a bar and went in. We must've been about the oldest people there, although I think one couldn't tell. What was amazing was the behavior of the crowd. Girls dressed in the skimpiest of attire and putting on the "I'm so hot and drunk and I'll do anything" attitude while the boys sitting in packs and on the prowl for their catch of the night. We watched the crowd, laughed at people's behavior, and discussed what it would be like to be single again and coming into such an atmosphere. Where once a long time ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity to go "clubbing" in such an atmosphere with such people, now I would hate to have to endure such a situation. The stares, the pick-up lines, the raunchy behavior---NO THANK YOU!!!!! I guess I have matured a bit!!!! CaptinsRio